I'm Not Your Mockingjay
by MagicGoldenFlower
Summary: "wə нad тo ѕavə yoυ вəcaυѕə yoυ'rə тнə мocĸιngjay, pəəтa. wнιlə yoυ lιvə, тнə rəvolυтιon lιvəѕ." plυтarcн ѕayѕ. ι wanт тo dəny all oғ тнιѕ. all oғ тнaт waѕ ĸaтnιѕѕ. тнə вιrd, тнə pιn, тнə ѕong, тнə вərrιəѕ, тнə drəѕѕ тнaт вυrѕт ιnтo ғlaмəѕ. тнaт waѕ all нər. ι нaѕ noтнιng тo do wιтн тнaт. ѕнə ιѕ тнə ѕyмвol oғ тнə rəвəllιon, noт мə. Instead of rescuing Katniss from the arena, what
1. Introduction

_Before anyone thinks that I've stolen someone else's idea, everything I've written is my own. There is some wild possibility that I have a few scenes similar to someone else's. If that has happened, obviously I haven't intended for that._

 _This book may have parts conflicting with the movies and books. This is the point of fanfiction; to make it my own way._

 _If you spot any grammar or spelling mistakes, please don't be afraid to point it out._

 _Constructive criticism is welcome!_

 _ **Started: November 4, 2018**_

 _ **Ended: -**_


	2. One

**Chapter One**

I open my eyes, scanning the room around me. Tubes run out of my right arm and I'm only in hospital sheets. How is this even possible? The last moment I recall is the arena collapsing around us. Bright flames lit up, almost like the muggy heat added to their fuel. I was trying to find Katniss when hell broke.

Katniss!

I immediately scramble, looking to find her. She has to be somewhere near me. I bolt up, though my body aches in protest. I groan, gripping my stomach. That wasn't the wisest decision, but I have to find her and make sure she's okay.

But first I have to know where I am.

Taking slow, deep breaths, I search the room for anything familiar. Across the room is Beetee, who is hooked up with so many tubes it's difficult to even know if he's stable or on the brink of dying.

Realization begins to dawn on me as I look at Beetee. If I'm where I think I am, then Katniss is farther away than I originally thought.

We must be in the Capitol.

The Games were interrupted somehow, so they must have retrieves us. I'm relieved at first, knowing they couldn't possibly kill Katniss, especially since everyone knows we weren't dead when the arena exploded, but then I feel a pang in my chest. They have to have their victor. They wouldn't allow what happened in the last Games to ever repeat again.

That meant we were being healed to only be thrown back into that godawful arena again. At the thought, my back and forehead begin to sweat. Would they add more tributes to equal 24 again? I know districts like One, Two, and Four have plenty of tributes that could easily be taken, maybe even volunteer to play in the Games.

I shake the current thoughts out of my head. First things first, I have to know where Katniss is. Going against my better judgement, I rip the tubes out from my arm and swing my legs to the side of the bed.

Surprisingly, it's easy to stand. I'm evenly balanced on my prosthetic leg, which I figured would be a main contributor to my struggle of escaping, but I find that I can soundly walk away.

As I exit the room, I hear voices. Familiar voices.

I pause, listening to a hoarse voice speak and a Capitol accent quickly argue with them. What was going on? I cautiously step towards the door, hoping I could decipher who was speaking and what it was about.

"No. I'll tell him." Haymitch says.

Haymitch!

I burst through the door, not exactly sure what to expect. At a table is Haymitch, Johanna Mason, and Plutarch Heavensbee.

I open my mouth to question what kind of mess Katniss and I have now made to invoke these three to meet but can't decide what to say, let alone how to use my voice. But they must read my expression because Haymitch gestures to the seat beside him as Plutarch pushes a bowl of soup towards the spot. I glance out the window, seeing we're flying. If I'm not in the Capitol, then where am I?

I still quietly, still horribly confused.

"Glad you finally woke up." Haymitch greets, studying me. But his smile didn't reach his gray eyes. Inside them is something else. Grief? Anger? I can't tell.

I stare at the soup that reminds me of nothing but the arena. They begin to talk to me, trying to explain everything to me, but it seems hard to concentrate. Apparently, there was a plan to get us out of the arena when the Quell was announced. The victors from 3, 4, 6, 7, 8, and 11 all had different levels of knowledge about it. Plutarch has been secretly apart of a group to overthrow the Capitol. Again, I'm used as a piece in a game I never consented to.

"Once the force field blew. You'd be the first ones they'd try to capture, and the less you knew, the better." Haymitch explains.

"The first ones? Why?" I ask.

"For the same reason the rest of us agreed to die to keep you alive." Johanna rolls her eyes.

"We had to save you because you're the mockingjay, Peeta. While you live, the revolution lives." Plutarch says.

I want to deny this all. All of that was Katniss. The bird, the pin, the song, the berries, the dress that burst into flames. That was all her. I had nothing to do with that. She is the symbol of the rebellion, not me.

"Where's Katniss?" I immediately demand, my voice coming out hoarse, like I hadn't spoken in weeks. I cough, trying to clear it, but I don't think it'll make much of a difference. I don't bother dragging out the dreaded conversation, so I just jump into what I want. I want to know where Katniss is.

The room grows quiet, eyes shifting between everyone. I'm out of the loop and something isn't right. I can only expect the worst.

A smirk of sorts appears on Johanna's face as she looks towards the right of me. "Are you going to tell him or should I?" She asks.

I whip my head to look at Haymitch, who can hardly hold my gaze. My grip on my spoon tightens as I feel my jaw lock. What are they hiding me from?

He takes a deep breath, his gray eyes training on me. Whatever he has to say is slowly killing him, or maybe he knows it'll kill me. "We rescued Beetee, Johanna and you from the arena before it was too late."

"That doesn't answer my-"

"Katniss, Finnick, and Enobaria were captured by the Capitol."

His eyes drop to the floor as the realization dawns on me.

Katniss is as good as dead in the hands of President Snow.

Heat rises to my cheeks as I push away from the table, my soup splattering everywhere. "We had a deal!" I shout, directing my anger at Haymitch. Everyone else's voices just morph into background noise as I glare at the drunk.

"Don't you think I know that?" He argues back, glaring at me.

"I was supposed to die! You were supposed to save Katniss, not me! That was our deal!" I repeat, hands trying to hold my shoulders. Without second thoughts, I do whatever I have to to get them off of me.

"I know! I remember!" Haymitch says.

"It was my turn! You promised that you would save her instead of me! I got to you first that night!" I continue, shoving him to the ground. I tower over him, anger coursing through my veins.

Suddenly, a sharp pain enters my arm and I feel myself drifting off. "You lied to me." I whimper as they dragged to my room. "You lied to me."

xxx

As I my open eyes, Delly sits at the edge of my bed. "Delly," I softly say.

"Peeta, it's so good to hear your voice." She smiles, gently touching my face. Delly and I have been friends since we were little. Actually, she's been my closest friend. Our parents had shops next to each other, so we would always play together growing up. As we got older, we began telling each other secrets we would never tell anyone else. I used to tell other people that she was my sister.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, furrowing my eyebrows.

"Oh, Peeta. There's been a terrible accident," she begins. She's silent for a while, wiping away the tears on her cheek. I stay silent, not wanting to push her. "After Katniss blew out the arena, the Capitol bombed District Twelve. There was this huge fire and almost no one made it."

"My parents?" I ask, fear in my veins. "Are they okay?"

She sniffles, shaking her head. "There's no one left in your family. None of them made it."

Cries shake my body as she pulls me to her lap. I've lost everyone that I could possibly care about. Katniss has been taken hostage by the Capitol, my parents and brothers are dead thanks to the Capitol. Everything is gone by the Capitol's greed. It's the Capitol's fault.

"Don't worry, Peeta. We'll get through this. We'll make a new life in District Thirteen." She says, gently petting down my hair. I sit up, confusion clogging the gears in my brain.

"District Thirteen?" I ask. "What are you talking about, Delly?"

She takes a deep breath. "There's nothing left of Twelve, Peeta. Both of us are orphans now. But, somehow Thirteen has been thriving underground. This whole time, they've been living a different world without the rest of us knowing."

"And they never bothered to help us? Never bothered to stop the Games and save all of those innocent lives lost to it? Live lost to the Capitol?" I ask, anger coursing through my veins again. The entire time we were at the mercy of the Capitol, Thirteen has been living a life of peace.

"I don't know much, but we should be thankful that they've taken us in. Without them, we would have no where else to go. We were in the woods for three days with food supplies running low. We're in debt to them, Peeta." She says.

In debt to Thirteen, a district we've all thought to be blown to smithereens. A district who had been sitting idly by, watching the rest of us suffer at the hands of the merciless Capitol. Letting them take our children and watch them fight to death for entertainment.

Delly may be in debt to Thirteen, but I'm not.

"Peeta, I know that look in your eyes," she begins, frowning at me. "It's not their fault for leaving us. You can't blame what the Capitol has done to us on them." She warns.

Like usual, Delly has a point.

"I'm not blaming them for that," I say, thinking through how I really will feel about them. "But I won't trust them. They don't know what we've been through."

She nods her head in approval. I've tried explaining my experience with Delly many times before the Quell was announced. She might not have understood everything, but it helped to let it out. It's not safe to keep everything bottled up.

"You should get some rest, Peeta." She says, laying me back down. I'm about to protest as a clear liquid enters into my bloodstream from the tubes in my arm. She brushes down my hair as my eyes grow heavy. Even in my drug induced sleep, all I can long for is Katniss and her safety.

 **Welcome to my new book! I hope you all have enjoyed it so far! I'm not sure how often this will get updated, since my main priority is Through The Eyes of Willow! If you haven't read it, go check it out! Thanks for reading and I'll see ya soon!**


	3. Two

**Chapter Two**

 _My name is Peeta Mellark. I am seventeen years old. My home is District Twelve. I was in The Hunger Games. I escaped. The Capitol hates me. Katniss was taken prisoner. She is thought to be dead. Most likely she is dead. It is probably best if she is dead. . ._

"Peeta?" Delly asks, her hand resting on my shoulder. Her eyes show concern, an emotion I see on a daily basis. Everywhere I go in this underground prison, their sorrowful eyes follow me. Waiting to see if I'll break down. Waiting to see the hero they crown me as.

"I'm fine." I brush off, my eyes darting to look at my food. The meals here are all calculated out based on height, weight, the amount of calories you're supposed to burn in a day, the amount you retained from the earlier day. Everything here is down to a T.

Honestly, it makes me sick how perfect everything is.

"Are you going to come to class with me today? We're going to visit the gardens here." Delly says, pushing her yellow hair behind her ear.

I don't want to go anywhere I want to tell her. But, she's all I have left. The only one I can truly trust anymore.

Haymitch is somewhere deep in this cave, drying off from his alcohol. It's best that I'm not anywhere near him right now. There were a few times back in Twelve when we ran out of liquor and he went through withdrawal. Considering how aggressive he gets off of his lifeline and how our last interaction went, I'm sure distance is the best option.

I've considered talking to Beetee, but as soon as he could sit up on his own, they wheeled him off to help with this rebellion. I mean, they literally took his bed and wheeled down to their top secret army bases. This all happened while I was still trying to process everything that had happened in my welcoming hospital bed.

There's also Johanna, but I hardly see her. I know she's not taking any of the classes like me. I've seen her exploring this dark and damp place and shouting at anyone who tells her that she has to follow her schedule. They've learned to just deal with her as long as she doesn't cause any harm. It's best not to mess with Johanna.

"Sure. I'll try." I say to Delly's offer. She smiles and nods her head.

So, Delly and I return our trays and follow the schedules inked onto our wrists. When we arrive at the classroom, everyone's eyes land on the sight of me. I'm sure I look just like a symbol should. Dark bags under my eyes, tangled curls, and a mentally unstable bracelet on my right wrist. Definitely someone to put their trust in.

But, Delly happily takes my hand in hers and leads me to a desk beside her. The teacher drones on and on about the rules in the garden and I feel a headache begin to pound in my left temple. The lights are brighter than before. So I close my eyes and place my head on my desk and hide myself with my arms.

I like the darkness I've created for myself. It's safe and protective from the eyes that are surely staring at me now. But, the teacher doesn't stop speaking, her voice carrying on and on.

"Peeta," Delly says, softly shaking my shoulders. I peek out, seeing her friendly smile. I return it and stand up. She holds my hand, acting like a guard from the other students' eyes in this class. I'm thankful for her.

As we tour their small patches of beets, I spot a patch of pink-and-white buds off in the corner. I walk away from the group, feeling like I was in a trace. I stare at them, trying to remember why they were burned into my memory. "What are these?" I ask, cutting off the teacher, unable to come up with the name of these flowers.

She pauses, trying to comprehend what to do. She was just droning on and on about the importance of dedication to the plants here. "Um, those are onions." She slightly stutters. I nod my head and look back at them.

I reach out, gently touching the plant. Feeling them reminds me of their part in my past.

 _"For you." I say, handing Katniss the flowers found by the side of the tracks. We were coming back from the Games when we had stopped and went for a walk. She painfully smiled, taking the gift._

Quickly, I rip the tops off and stuff them into the pockets of my gray pants. They remind me of her, even though that interaction later lead the truth of how she acted in the Games. But I don't care. It wasn't fair for me to hold her to what she did in the Games. Even if we aren't really lovers, at the least, we're friends, right?

The group begins to leave and I follow after them. Only, I was foolish to think they'd let me leave with those tops. Alarms began to blare as I step out of the garden. Guards quickly rush to me as Delly begins to shout for my innocence.

"What did you take?" A guard asks, holding out his hand to me.

"Just the tops of these onions." I say, pulling them out of my pocket.

"He didn't mean anything by it." Delly says, pushing through them to get to me.

"Everything grown here is used in the food to feed all of us. You need to return it." He continues, ignoring Delly. I tightly grip the tops in my hand, not wanting to them go. That would be like letting her go.

"I can't." I respond, looking down at the pink-and-white buds in my hand.

"You can't use them anymore, anyways. Just let him keep these and I'll make sure he doesn't take anymore." Delly says, protectively standing in front of me. The guards glance back and forth between each other.

"This one time. Next time, we'll bring this up with President Coin." They threaten. "Are we clear?"

"Crystal." Delly nods. The guards walk off, informing the teacher what happened as Delly flips around, her eyebrows furrowed over her blue eyes.

"Peeta, what were you thinking?" She demands.

"I was thinking of Katniss," I say, looking at the flowers. Delly looks down as well, studying the onion tops in my hand. "I gave these to her after the first Games. I just. . . I need something to help me think of her."

She closes my hand over them and nods her head. "Just don't do it again, okay?"

I nod my head as she takes my open hand and leads me back to the group. After all of the drama, I'm suddenly very tired. I beg Delly to take me back to my room, but she's stubborn. She tells me I have to finish the tour, even though I don't feel well. She tells me I have to learn how to adjust to this new life and sleeping won't help. Yet again, she's right.

Once the tour is finished, we are allowed to go back to our rooms for reflection. I scoff at the word. What am I supposed to be reflecting on? My boring day in this bunker? My dead loved ones? What the Capitol is possibly doing to Katniss?

I sit down on my bed, pulling out the buds again. I take a deep breath, smelling them. What are they doing to Katniss anyways? Beating her for answers to the rebellion that she doesn't have? Is she come up with lies so they would lessen the blows?

Suddenly, I'm sick at the thought. I rush to the bathroom, throwing up my lunch earlier today. If the aftertaste stayed in your mouth then, it surely sticks now. I gargle some water and spit that out as well.

Cautiously, I fill a cup of water and place the buds in it. There. Now they should live longer than in my pocket. Carefully, I set the glass on my bedside table, admiring how much life has now been added to my room. I smile.

A knock grabs my attention and I call out out that they can entered. Slowly, the door opens and Prim enters. Just her presence makes my stomach do flips. Not only have I let everyone else down, but I've let down Katniss's family.

Behind Prim comes her mother. "Hi, Peeta." Prim greets as they shut the door behind them.

I stand still, studying them. Soft smiles are on their faces as they look around the room. "Those are some beautiful flowers," Mrs. Everdeen says, pointing to my bedside table. "I wish we could have such pretty things everywhere here."

I fidget, unsure what to really say. "I gave a bunch like this to Katniss after our first Games," I explain, biting on my lower lip. They freeze at her name, clearly holding in their emotions for me. "I'm sorry that I couldn't save her." I say.

"Peeta, you had no control in that." Mrs. Everdeen says.

"But I feel responsible," I argue. "I should be the one in the Capitol. Not Katniss. I'm just. . . I'm sorry."

"Peeta, what's important right now is that you're safe." Prim says, walking towards me. Her arms wrap around me, pulling me into a hug.

At first, I'm not sure what to do. Over the past couple of months, I have spent more time at their house in District Twelve. I learned more about their family and helped out around the house, but I never really interacted with them like this. Not on this personal of a level.

"I'm sorry to hear about your family." Mrs. Everdeen says, slightly bowing her head.

I nod my head, unsure how I'm supposed to respond. That doesn't seem like something you're supposed to thank. Beside, I don't really want people pitying me here, too. "Do you guys have a room around here?" I ask, changing the subject.

"Yes, we're just a few rooms down. We wanted to welcome you into your new home." Mrs. Everdeen softly smiles. Strange to think I was only released from the hospital a few days ago. It feels like I've been here for years.

"It's nice to see friendly faces here. Delly's really the only one I've talked to so far." I say.

"Gale's here, too. I'm sure you can find him in one of your classes." Prim offers. For some reason, I don't want to be anywhere near him right now. Maybe because I feel like I've let him down, too. I was supposed to bring Katniss back safely.

"That's good. I'm glad he's safe." I smile. Which, really, I am glad he's safe. I'm glad that his family is protected here in Thirteen.

"Well, I guess we should leave you alone now. We wanted to make sure you were settled in." says Mrs. Everdeen.

"Thanks." I nod as they open the door. Mrs. Everdeen leaves first and Prim pauses in the doorway. She holds onto the handle, as if she's debating about what she wants to say to me.

"If you ever need someone to talk to, I'll always listen," Prim begins. "We're in Compartment C45." She adds before she softly shuts the door.

I lay down on my bed, staring at the buds in the cup. Slowly, small drops of water cut trails down the sides. They remind me of the tears that have been shed the past few days. The tears for loved ones being lost to this rebellion. The tears for those who have died in the Games. The ones for our loved ones who were killed in the bombing of Twelve. The ones shed for Katniss.

I can't even stop the ones currently trailing down my own cheeks. I close my eyes, thinking of everyone who has died because of me. I'm not a symbol of this rebellion. I'm the cause of this rebellion.

 **Hello! Hello! I know I'm back sooner than you probably figured, but I'm very excited for this book and I didn't have school today so I got to spend the day writing!! Thanks for supporting this book! See you soon!**


	4. Three

**Chapter Three**

Many people here have tried talking to me. I try my best to listen, but eventually their voice just begins to sound like the clicks from the insects in the 11 o'clock zone in the arena. I have to walk away before I begin to scream. I feel bad when I cut someone off or when I don't respond, but there's nothing else I can think to do.

As I walk away from a conversation, like usual, a hand grabs my shoulder and pulls me to a stop. "Peeta, you are wanted in Command. This is not an option." He says.

Boggs. He's known around here as President Coin's right hand man, at least, that's how I see him. He's always at her side and is quick to defend her during any quarrels in Command. As much as I want to trust him, I feel like I can't trust anyone from here.

"What are we going to discuss this time? How worthless I've been so far?" I ask, my voice coming out cold and hard.

He takes a deep breath, his blue eyes studying me. Boggs can't be much over 40. His hair is clean cut, reminding me of the haircuts given to the Peacekeepers or anyone going off to war. When Boggs isn't with Coin, I've seen him in occasion holding a young boy. But, that's rare.

"You haven't been worthless. We're still trying to work everything out," he says. "And we won't be discussing any plans. There's something you need to see."

"Well, that's a first." I say, making him slightly smile. He turns on his heels and waves for me to follow. Having nothing else to do, I jog to his side and walk with him.

We hop into an elevator that reminds me of the ones in the Capitol, only these are nothing in comparison. The ones in the Capitol were fast and appealing to the eye. These ones make me think of the elevators that take our miners deep into the earth. Whenever we went on the trips to the mines in school, I always got extremely sick. But, I couldn't let anyone else know but Delly. So I just sucked it up and went along with the school. I've never like the idea of so much weight above you, able to crush you at any moment.

My chest begins to burn and my breathing quickens. My stomach is flipping and I hold in the urge to scream. I repeatedly tell myself over and over again that I'm totally fine, but the room seems to get smaller and smaller. I pull my arms against my body and feel myself trembling.

I probably look like a coward.

But if I do, Boggs doesn't say so. He stares forward, watching levels float past us as we go farther down, until it stops. The door opens and I basically run out. Once I'm out, I take slow deep breaths, trying to calm my rapid heartbeat.

Boggs ignores me again, continuing on our mission to Command. I catch up to him, trying to understand how to feel about him. "Claustrophobic?" He suddenly asks, making me jump.

"If that means extremely uncomfortable in elevators, then yes." I say, making him smile again.

"Don't worry, your secret's safe with me." He says before opening the door.

I decide that I like Boggs and to trust him.

Even if he's so close to Coin.

We went inside the room, a bunch of people gathered around a television screen. It's much fancier than the ones back at home, but not as elaborate as the ones in the Capitol. All of their eyes turn and land on us. I scan for Haymitch, but I don't spot him.

"Peeta, you're just in time," Johanna says. "I saved you a spot." She grins, patting a seat beside her. I give her a soft smile then sit beside her.

Gale is on the other side of me and we're not much for words, so we just nod our heads. It's enough so that we each other understand that we acknowledge each other's presence. This way there's no hard feelings, though I know Gale must have some about me. After all, they chose me over Katniss.

As everyone was staring at the reporter on the screen, who I recognize from the Capitol since Katniss forced us to watch it back in Twelve, I leaned towards Johanna. "What are we doing?" I ask, trying to keep my voice low.

"I'm not sure. Coin and her band of sheep won't tell us anything. All I know is that there's some special report with Caesar." She whispers back.

"Special report?" I ask.

She nods her head, rolling her brown eyes. "Yeah. They're probably going to interview some victor, like Enobaria." She explains. She then pretends to gag as she points down her throat.

She's shushed as Caesar appears on the screen. He rambles on, saying things I can't quite catch, but then I'm in awe of her. "Katniss." I sigh, standing up.

It's like I'm in a dream as I see her sitting there a few feet away from Caesar. "You're okay. You're alive." I say as I reached out to the screen. I rest my fingers against her, almost as if I could really touch her. Her dark hair is braided in her signature look. Her gray eyes seem nervous. At least she's alive.

"Thank you, Caesar. It's a pleasure to be here." Katniss replies, her voice slightly shaking. The note cards slightly tremble in her hands. Nerves. Katniss has never been great in front of a camera, especially without me there.

"I first want to talk about the arena," Caesar says. "What was going through your mind in those final minutes?"

Katniss takes a deep breath, harshly biting on her lower lip. "Everything was a mess. I'm still only piecing everything back together."

"Let's start at the beginning then," Caesar says. "Back the tree, when Beetee separated Peeta and you. What was going through your mind?"

"That I had to find someway to keep him by my side. Peeta and I had made a plan to split from the alliance once the plan was carried out. But time was running out and if Johanna and I didn't hurry then we would surely be electrocuted."

"So you kissed him goodbye and promised to meet him again." Caesar interrupts, trying to help her be descriptive.

"Yes. In the back of my mind, I hoped that we would meet again, but as you can tell, that never happened." She says, her eyes falling to her cards that she had began to bend back and forth.

"Then as you were taking the wire to the water, it was cut and then Johanna smash the cylinder to the side of your head, dazzling you. What happened next?"

"I thought she was trying to kill me," Katniss says. "And I heard cannons fire and I freaked out, thinking one of those could be for Peeta. Until I heard his voice calling out to me."

"So you called out back to him," Caesar softly sighs. "I get chills every time I watch you looking for him."

"I was so afraid. Peeta was in danger. I thought Johanna and Finnick were trying to kill us. I thought they were going to kill him before I reached him."

"Then you found Beetee and the knife laying beside him," Caesar says. "What were you thinking about when you hooked that into your bow and aimed at the force field?"

"I don't really know. I thought that maybe Beetee changed his mind and wanted to electrocute the force field in hopes of shocking our enemies. I didn't make sense to me, but neither did the plan to begin with. I thought that was what Beetee wanted."

"And it was. After all, that's how Peeta, Johanna, and Beetee were taken by the rebels. And you had fallen right into their trap." Caesar says. Suddenly, Katniss narrowed her eyebrows.

"I did not fall into some trap." She says, clearly offended.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that," Caesar apologizes. "I just meant that they got you to do what they wanted. This way the rebels could take your love away from you."

"You just said the same thing again. I did not fall for some trap. Nobody knew what was going to on besides Beetee." She spits.

Caesar apologizes again, then took a long pause, maybe waiting for her to forgive him. But Katniss would never, especially not now. "Now, I know this might be a difficult subject, but I want to talk about Peeta." He says after they exchanged comments back and forth. At my name, her expression shifted. Fear? Sadness? Anger? I can't possibly tell.

"What do you want to know?" She asks, her shoulders tensing. I have seen this in her many times before. When she volunteered for Prim. When she guarded me in the cave. When she stood up for Gale at the whipping post. She's going into her protective mode.

"Well, Peeta was captured by the rebels. Did he ever mention to you anything about a rebel plan? I mean, he must have had some part, surely." Caesar says.

"No. He would have told me. We don't keep secrets from each other." She immediately says, shaking her head. And we haven't, at least since District Eleven.

"Are you sure? Is there a possibility that maybe this was the one secret he chose to keep to himself?"

"Peeta has nothing to do with the rebellion." She continues to deny, her voice harder.

"What about Haymitch? How do you feel about him siding with the rebels?"

Katniss's eyes dart to the floor. Her cheeks turn a light pink. "I don't know. All I know is that I was lied to and played for a fool." She mumbles.

"Now, Katniss," Caesar says, trying to coax her to looking at her again. "I was going to ask you about what you're feelings on the rebellion, but you seem too upset."

Suddenly, her mode changes again. Fear replaces the anger that was growing in her gray eyes. "No. I'm not too upset. I can talk." She offers.

"That's good. I'm sure many of the viewers watching from their home are all wondering the same thing, so I will ask for all of us. How do you feel about having a rebellion between the districts and the Capitol?" Caesar asks.

She turns to face the camera, but her eyes stay focused on the cards in her trembling hands. "Our numbers are limited. The idea of a rebellion is very foolish. If we were to ever fight, what would be left afterwards? The answer is nothing. We need to rethink this and see that the only option is to lay down all weapons. Panem today. Panem tomorrow. Panem forever." She finishes. I feel as if she's right next to me as she looks up into my eyes.

 _"Panem today. Panem tomorrow. Panem forever." Katniss finishes in District Four. We look out into the crowd seeing the angry looks from the citizens. They knew as well as us that our message has been written by the Capitol._

"Katniss, are you calling for a cease-fire?" Caesar asks, furrowing his blue eyebrows.

"Yes, Caesar. That is the only option if we want to save ourselves." She answers. People around me begin whispering to themselves, talking about what Katniss could possibly be doing the rebellion.

"Is there anything else you'd like to say?" He asks.

"Peeta," she begins, her gray eyes staring at me. "I don't know if you can see this, but please don't do anything stupid. There's a lot at stake here. Please, consider what is happening in the districts and here in the Capitol."

Caesar reaches out, resting his hand on Katniss's. "You still love him, don't you?"

Katniss nods her head, her face turning a light pink. "I'll love him till life as we know it ends."

"Thank you for bravely speaking today," Caesar painfully smiles. He looks back at the camera. "That's it for now. Thank you for watching."

The screen goes black and I notice the tear softly rolling down my right cheek. Before anyone can see, I wipe it off. I know better than anyone that all of that was an act. Her telling everyone to cease-fire to her saying she would love me till life ends. All an act to save me.

"It's a good thing we rescued you, Peeta," Fulvia says, resting her hands on my shoulders. I stared at the tattoos of flowers on her cheeks. "Turns out Katniss is actually a traitor to the rebellion. She's clearly with the Capitol."

Before I can respond, Gale flips around. "Katniss is not a traitor and she's not with the Capitol. Can't you see that all of that was some act? A response clearly designed by the Capitol itself?"

"We don't know that." Fulvia responds.

"Yes, we do. I've know Katniss. She doesn't agree with the Capitol and she would never say those things." Gale defends, anger clear in his gray eyes. His face turns a bright pink in frustration.

"What do you think, Peeta? Is this some trick by the Capitol?" Fulvia asks. Suddenly, everyone turns, their eyes landing on me.

"That wasn't something Katniss would ever say," I slowly say. "Katniss would never ask for a cease-fire or say that stuff about Panem. During the Victory Tour, that was a common ending in our speeches. It's clearly her sign to me that she's being forced into saying those things." I don't bother mentioning about her lying about loving me.

"Then why would she say that?" A district Thirteen soldier asks.

"To protect Peeta," Gale immediately answers, looking at me. "Katniss must think Peeta is in danger if he was to ever return to the Capitol."

I gulp, suddenly feeling hot. I don't want her to do that. I've never asked for her to do that. "What Gales said. Katniss only said those things to protect me." I agree.

"That's still only a theory. For now, we'll have to go with what she's said. She's asking for a cease-fire." President Coin says. I lean around a soldier, getting a good look at her. I've seen her many times. Her gray hair stopping evenly above her shoulder and her hard gold eyes. This is the first time I've heard her talk those.

"But that's not-"

"Quiet, soldier Hawthorne." She interrupts, holding up a hand. Immediately, Gale closes his mouth. "We have to believe what she's has said and that is that."

"Yes, ma'am." Gale agrees, his jaw clenching tightly.

I've never seen Gale back down like that, especially when it comes to Katniss.

Gale must know what I know. That whatever is going down here is not something to mess with. President Coin is not someone you want on your bad side.

Unfortunately, I already think I'm there.

"Everyone is dismissed." She says, waving towards the door. Without complaining, all of us exit the room.

But once I reach the surface with the others, word of Katniss's interview has already begun to spread like wildfire. Of course, everyone believes she's a traitor. They think she's sided with the Capitol while I've sided with the rebels.

They've pinned us against each other.

Even though I should be afraid of what is to come from her statements, I can't help but to grin like a fool. I had thought for sure that once President Snow got her hands on her he would kill her in the worst way possible. Maybe even make her execution public to play on repeat for years to come.

Instead, for some crazy, unknown reason, he's kept her alive.

So I rush to my room and grab my small handful of onion buds and bring them to my nose. I close my eyes and take a deep breath and think of her. Her gray eyes and dark hair. Her scowls and her terribly bad lies. "You're alive." I whisper, as if she can hear me. "And I'm okay. There's no need to protect me."

Suddenly, I think about what is happening here instead of the Capitol.

"But I'll protect you here," I add. "It seems you've cause a real mess for yourself. But you'll be safe if it's the last thing I do."

 ** _Hello, hello, hello! I hope everyone is enjoying this story and I'm really loving writing this! Constructive comments are welcomed and I've really loved seeing the comments you've left! Thanks for reading and supporting this content!_**


	5. Four

**Chapter Four**

I walk towards Delly's room, hoping that maybe she can help with my current nightmares. Unlike usual, it's not Katniss haunting me. I think seeing her healthy and unharmed in the Capitol has helped to calm me somewhat.

Unfortunately, tonight it's my family who's making an appearance.

I knock on Delly's door, hoping she's willing to take me in. Quietly, the door opens and she shows herself with her yellow hair pulled into a messy bun. "Peeta. What are you doing? It's nearly three." She whispers.

"I know. I'm sorry. I just really need someone to talk to right now," I say. "I thought about going to Johanna since I know she doesn't sleep, but this has nothing to do with her. It's a lot more personal."

Delly frowns, taking me in. "Just be quiet. Quincy is sleeping and I don't want to wake him. He sleeps so little as it is." She says, opening the door wider. Quincy is Delly's younger brother who also survived the bombing of Twelve. Like their family, he has blue eyes and yellow hair.

I enter her room, taking a seat on her bed. I look down at my hands, wishing I had grabbed something to distract myself for a while. Delly sits down next to me, grabbing one of my hands. "What's bothering you, Peeta?" She asks.

I let out a small sigh. "It's my family," I answer. "I've started getting these awful nightmares about them. They usually scream in anger at me as I watch them die in some horrible way. Sometimes it's fire or at the hands of the Capitol. Occasionally, it'll be my mother scolding me for dying in some sick way during the Games and not making her proud."

"Both of them sound pretty terrifying." Delly says, biting on her lower lip.

"I wish I knew someway to make them stop." I sigh. "I don't my memories of them to be tainted by these nightmares."

Delly pauses, her eyebrows furrowing in concentration. She glances over at Quincy then back at me. "We could talk about if you want. That's what makes Quincy feel better when he gets homesick."

"I don't know, Delly. I don't really like talking about them." I say, slightly shaking my head. My childhood wasn't exactly glamorous. Sure, I had enough to eat and a roof over my head, but it wasn't very loving. While other families tried to push away the thoughts of the Hunger Games by singing and dancing, my family pushed it away by only focusing on the bakery and school. Entertainment was rare.

"Only the good things, Peeta." She says, knowing what I'm referring to.

I let out a sigh, thinking it though. It couldn't hurt to try, I suppose. "Do you remember when my dad let us make those dough people with the leftover dough?" I ask, glancing over at Delly.

A smile breaks out on her face. "Yes. He even let us decorate them with some gumdrops and he iced clothes on them for us," she says. "I also clearly remember that one time you came to school excited to tell us about your new job in the bakery."

"I was so excited to get to decorate the cakes." I softly chuckle. My father, with his hands scorned from many fires and calloused from years of baking, took both of mine and taught me how to ice. First, he gave me little cakes to decorate and showed me simple swirls. I quickly mastered them and he taught me new expert moves, which came easily to me. I can still remember the pride in his blue eyes when I showed him my finished design on one of the New Year cakes.

"Let's not forget the time you almost beat Ezekiel in the wrestling championship at school." Delly adds, lightly bumping my side.

"It's too bad I spotted Katniss in the crowd. If I wouldn't have been so distracted by her, maybe I could have beat him." I say. Ezekiel is my brother just two years older than me. We could almost be twins with our matching blue eyes and wavy blonde hair. The only difference is his brute strength and ability to woo girls. He was a catch according to most of the girls back in District Twelve.

"I'm sure he teased you about it for weeks." Delly says, referring to Katniss.

"He teased me about Katniss ever since I came home from that day in music class bragging about how she sang the valley song." I chuckle. Ezekiel has teased me about Katniss for as long as I can remember. It stopped once we returned from the Games. In fact, when I returned home after the announcement of the proposal, he gave me a huge pat on the back and praised me for finally tying the knot. Then he dug his knuckles into my head as I laughed and pushed him away.

"But Roti never let Ezekiel go too far. I remember the few times those two shouted at each other over you." Delly says, softly smiling.

"Roti was pretty protective over me since I'm the youngest. Plus, it was his job to watch over me and Ezekiel," I explain. "When I came home from the Games, he told me how awful he felt since there was nothing he could do to save me. He also told me how proud he was. He added I was allowed to take a few hits at Ezekiel and he'd let them slid since he didn't volunteer for me." I chuckle.

Roti was almost five years older me. He was the strongest out of all of us, carrying the most sacks of flour and helping my dad in the bakery. He was the only one out of us boys allowed to use the bigger ovens. My mother was worried Ezekiel or I would burn a perfectly good loaf of bread. My father was worried about us burning ourselves. I didn't help our case by burning those loaves for Katniss.

"Your mother was really worried about you when you left for the Games." Delly softly says.

"More like she was worried about how work would get done in the bakery since I was as good as dead." I huff, tightening my jaw. My mother was a whole different topic. Unlike most of the kids in school, my mother would not be the first person I'd run to in times of pain. I usually went to Roti or my father.

"Peeta, she didn't think of it like that." Delly says.

"You know my mother. That's exactly what she was saying." I say, my voice rising on edge. I suppose at one point and time my mother truly did love me. Maybe the looming threat of the Hunger Games pushed her too far. Maybe she thought the only way of dealing with the possibility of losing one of us to the Games was to push all emotions away.

Well, she succeeded.

I still have marks to prove it.

"Your mother may have been abusive, but I'm sure there's something you can think of to give her some positive memory." Delly says.

I want to tell Delly off and explain how there couldn't possibly be one good memory my mother has ever given me. Not a single one.

Until I'm hit with a memory I've pushed out of my head.

 _"Come on, Peeta. Just a few more loaves and we'll be done for the day." She encourages. Back then, my mother's face wasn't so wrinkled. She didn't always wear a scowl and her eyes were a gentler blue._

 _"How many more is a few?" I ask, tired from working in the bakery all day. My father had fallen ill in the past few days and still wasn't feeling well enough to make the loaves. Roti and Ezekiel had to go to school, leaving me and my mother to do the job._

 _"About three." She says, beginning to roll out another pile of dough._

 _I sigh, resting my head on the counter._

 _Immediately, she scolds me. "Keep your head off the table. We don't want to contaminate the bread with your hair." She says._

 _I sit up, resting my elbows on the table. I place my head in my hands, longing to be outside with Delly. Her parents just bought her a new bucket of chalk and we had made a plan to draw once the weather cleared up. Unfortunately, that seems to be today._

 _As I stare out the window, something drops past my face. I gasp, looking down. In front of me is a small ball of dough. I pick it up, a smile growing on my face. I turn to look at my mother, who is trying to keep her smile to herself. "Don't let me see you eat that." She says._

 _Without hesitation, I pop the dough into my mouth, savoring the taste. Sometimes Dad would let me have a few raw pieces, but I never pictured my mother letting me. In fact, it was rare that she was letting me back here at all. Little boys get into trouble and make messes. There's no time for trouble when there's work to be done._

 _Once we finished making the last few loaves of bread, my mother began wrapping them in a towel. She places them into a basket. "Now we must make the deliveries." She says, taking my hand in hers._

 _Usually Ezekiel got to make the deliveries, so I was excited to be taken along. We went to Delly's house, the apothecary's, and the mayor's. I felt very special to go to the last one._

 _On our way back, we took a different turn. I was questioning my mother on the inside, afraid to say anything and make her mad. She must have taken notice to my hesitation as we walked down the street, because she suddenly began to speak. "You've been a very good boy today, Peeta," she says. "For listening to me and doing your job well, I've taken you to pick out one treat."_

 _We stopped in front of the candy shop, a smiling growing on my face. I was nearly jumping up and down as we entered the store. I ran to every piece of candy, admiring each ones bright colors and sweet smell._

 _I turn, looking back at my mother. "I can pick any of them?" I ask._

 _"Any of them." She smiles._

 _Naturally, I picked my favorite. The peppermint candies. Their red and white swirls tasted so sweet in my mouth. Not only that, but it was very easy to share with my two older brothers, who I greatly wanted to impress._

I look at Delly, whose face has matured much since then. She's filled out her cheeks and her arms aren't as tiny as they used to be. We've both been through a lot since those simpler days.

"There's one memory." I say. So I go into great detail, explaining the day I thought my mother was greatest in the whole wide world. As I tell the story, Delly's eyes begin to droop, but her smile never leaves.

"That's such a nice story." She says with a yawn. Quincy stirs in his sleep, causing both us to jump.

"I should head back to my room," I say. "It's probably almost morning. You should get some sleep."

"You too, Peeta," she says, resting a hand on my shoulder. "Try to get some sleep."

xxx

Even after talking with Delly almost a week ago about my family, they still seem to haunt me.

 _"You worthless boy!" My mother spits. "You couldn't bother to at least try to make us proud?"_

 _"Thanks for killing us off," Roti says, anger clear on his face. "Because of you, we were killed at the hands of the Capitol."_

 _"You just had to make her fall in love with you, huh?" Ezekiel scoffs. "If you would have just died in the arena like you supposed to, then none of us would be in this mess."_

 _"It's a shame Katniss was forced to marry you," my father joins in. "She should have ended up with Gale. He's the only one who could have saved her from the Capitol. But instead, she was forced into acting as your fiancée and look what's happened. She'll be better off dead than with you."_

I jump awake, wiping the sweat from my forehead. My clothes are sticking to me and I can hardly catch my breath. I don't want to bother Delly again, but these nightmares are making it impossible to get any rest.

So, I keep to myself.

I go about my day, wandering around District Thirteen. I miss most of my classes, except when Delly drags me along. Even then I don't pay attention. I don't really see the point of trying to learn their ways here when I have so much on my mind.

My family haunting my dreams with Katniss making occasional appearances. Feeling everyone's disapproving eyes because so far I've been worthless to the rebel cause. And finally, knowing I've let everyone from Twelve down.

"Peeta." I jump, looking for the owner of the voice. My eyes land on Johanna. "Aren't you supposed to be in class?" She asks, walking towards me.

"I could ask you the same." I say. I'm sitting on the floor, leaning against a wall somewhere below the cafeteria. Johanna towers over me, her hands on her hips.

"Please, they can't force me into a classroom if they try," she smiles. She then looks me over, her brown eyes traveling over me. Just another set I've clearly disappointed. "You look like you haven't slept in months."

"That's because I haven't." I say.

She pauses, her jaw shifting in an uneasy way. "Let me guess, Katniss?" She asks.

I shrug. "Partly." When she doesn't answer, I continue. "When the Quell was announced, I was worried about my name being called and Haymitch taking my spot. After that I was worried about her giving herself up for me in the Games. Then I was freaked out about what the Capitol could be doing to her. Now that I know she's okay, I'm worried about other things."

"What type of other things?" She asks, sinking beside me against the wall.

"Personal stuff." I say.

"Come on, Peeta. You and I both know you haven't been one to hide personal feelings. I'm sure you're the only one in this world to confess on live television your life long crush and know that she'd most likely reject you." Johanna smirks, lightly hitting my side.

I chuckle, nodding my head. She's right. "It's just stuff involving my family. I just wish I knew how to make it go away." I say.

"What type of stuff?" She asks, narrowing her eyes at me. I mean, I know I haven't been one to hide my feelings, but this is too much for me. I can't possibly share my nightmares with Johanna. Sure, we've both been through a lot and I know she isn't my enemy, but that doesn't mean I want to spill my entire life to her.

When I don't answer, she stands up. "Follow me."

So, not sure what was happening, I stand up and follow Johanna. She leads me through the crowds headed to lunch and manages to clear a path for us. Her loud voice is enough to scare the citizens of District Thirteen. Once we're through the crowd, I jog up to her side.

"Johanna, what are we doing?" I ask.

"Going to Coin." She says.

"Coin?" I ask. "What is she going to do?"

"Closure." She says, shrugging her shoulder as we hop into the elevator. My mind is so busy rambling with the different possibilities of closure that I don't even notice that we're already in front of Coin's door.

Johanna pushes open the door, making a grand entrance. Inside is President Coin, Plutarch Heavensbee, his personal assistant Fluvia, and Gale. By the looks on their faces, they were talking about something important.

"Johanna. Peeta. What can we do for you?" Plutarch asks, a smile plastered on his chubby face.

"Peeta needs to see Twelve." Johanna blurts out.

"What?" I ask in shock with what she just said.

"Look, you said you need closure. This is the only way." She sneers, glaring at me. Not wanting to anger her more, I close my mouth and look at the crowd in front of us.

"Is this true, Peeta?" Coin asks, her golden eyes locking on mine.

Suddenly, I realize Johanna's right. I need to make peace with my family's remains. I need to say goodbye to them and the rest of District Twelve. This is what I want. This is what I need.

"Yes." I answer, my voice coming out clearer than I intended.

Gale shifts in the seat beside Coin, nodding his head in a form of approval.

"I don't think that's the best idea for you." Coin denies.

"Do you want him better or what? 'Cause I sure as hell know if I was in the districts and I saw a tattered mockingjay as my symbol as I would side with the Capitol." Johanna says. As much as her honesty hurts, she's right. I'm not exactly camera ready.

"This could be good for him. It might show him we're not the enemy and that we're on his side." Plutarch offers. No. I know who the enemy is and that's Snow. He's the one who destroyed Twelve and killed my family. He's the one who took Katniss and Finnick.

I'm just concerned with what Coin is planning on doing when Snow is gone.

"He knows Snow is the enemy. He's not stupid. I'm worried that this plan will delay him longer." Coin argues.

Before Johanna or I can defend ourselves, Gale speaks up. "Let him go. He needs to see what's happened to our home."

I almost send Gale a smile of thanks, but that seems wrong for what I'm asking for. I'm asking to go and see the remains of our friends and my family members. That doesn't seem like something to celebrate about.

"Fine. We'll take him tomorrow. We'll put Gale and Haymitch in the air," Coin agrees. She then turns to Plutarch. "I hope for your sake that this is what he needs because we're wasting precious resources and risk exposing ourselves for this seemingly pointless mission."

"Don't worry. This'll be worth it. I swear." Plutarch says.

I also hope he's right because if this doesn't work I don't know what will end my nightmares.

 **I know, speedy update, but I had lots of time to write this weekend! I hope you guys enjoyed this new chapter! Thanks for reading and for the encouraging comments!**


	6. Five

**Chapter Five**

So there I stand, ashes landing on my boots. My nose burns from the smell of rotting bodies and smoking buildings. I've hardly moved from where they dropped me off because my legs feel like jelly and I can't catch my breath very well.

I knew it was bad, but not this bad.

Life as I knew it has been blown away by a few bombs dropped by the Capitol. Well, let's be specific. Dropped by Snow.

Somehow, I find strength in my legs and I began to head towards town. The closer I get to the Square, the more bodies that began to pile up. I have to bite my bottom lip and close my eyes to keep from throwing up my breakfast.

I suddenly want Delly by my side, even though I know that's not an option. For one, Coin would never let an untrained civilian outside of Thirteen. And secondly, I don't think Delly could bear to come back so soon. I just want someone's support. Anyone's. I'm even beginning to regret declining Gale's offer.

But I know I have to do this by myself.

This is a mission I have to complete alone.

"Peeta, are you doing okay?" Gale asks, his voice in my ear bringing me back to reality. I open my eyes and find myself trembling like a leaf just below the hill that leads to the Main Square.

"Yes," I say, hoping my voice doesn't sound as shaky as I feel. "I'm okay. Just needed to stop and think."

"When you want to be picked up, just ask," Gales says.

"Will do." I quietly say.

So, mustering up all the courage I can find, I begin marching up the hill. As I go, I can't help but to look at my people. Their crooked teeth and cracked skulls. Some are dented deeply and others are twisted in awkward ways.

 _I killed you._ I think.

 _And you._

 _And you._

The mess Katniss and I made a little over a year ago has completely obliterated everything. My life. Her life. Our people's lives. Other districts' lives. Even lives in the Capitol. Nothing is how it used to be, and it never will be.

And once I reach the top of the hill, my realization crushes me so hard my breakfast finally makes a reappearance.

Bodies of innocent people are piled in the streets. They must have been running away when the bombs hit, hoping to find some safety. Unfortunately, that just left them as easier targets.

I'm not sure how I'll ever make it to the bakery to say goodbye to my family. I can hardly stand looking at the sight of people I didn't even know but feel completely responsible for. If it wasn't for me, they would probably still be here.

I hope that they went quickly and didn't suffer.

I wipe my mouth and continue through the bodies. If the stench was bad from afar, it's worse now. I pull my shirt over my nose in hopes of blocking out the smell, but it's pointless. It's all over me.

I pass by Delly's house. The little shoe shop is laying in crumbles around me. I reach out for a shoe that for some illogical reason is in perfect condition. I pick it up and wipe the dirt off of it. I hold it out in the sunlight, the leather shining brightly into my eyes. I place it back where Delly's house should be standing and it seems awkwardly placed. It looks so clean and new compared to the rubble surrounding it. I leave it there.

I reach the bakery and my chest begins to feel tight. My eyes dart around the scene, looking for a sign of any life. But then I stop. I don't want to see whatever is left of them. That would only give me worse nightmares.

So I close my eyes and my right hand grips my shirt just above my heart. I stand like this for a while, thinking about each one individually. My father with his helping hands and soft voice. Roti with his overprotectiveness. Ezekiel with his playful humor. Even my mother with her kind eyes.

Slowly, I let go of each of them one by one. I say my goodbye by thanking them and telling them I'm sorry for what I have caused. As I stand there, it feels like a weight being lifted from my shoulders.

Once I feel like I've completed my mission, I open my eyes and walk away before I see something I can never forget. I wipe the tears on cheeks with the back of my hand, hoping Gale can't see what just happened. But as I get farther away, I began to no longer care if he saw. After all, I've lost my entire family. And who cares how Gale sees me?

I feel emotionally drained and ready to return to Thirteen. But off in the distance, I see that Victor's Village is standing completely unscathed. I'm puzzled by this, so I head towards it.

As I get closer, I think about the conversations Katniss and I held on this secret path. Her plan for us to run away moments before we discovered Gale's whipping. When we walked to town after the Hob burned down.

I enter my house, slightly gagging on the almost sterile smell. It's a dramatic change from the air outside. I walk around the house, startling myself when I see my reflection in the mirror.

My eyes are sunken in, but look shockingly blue. My curls are matted in an unattractive manner, so I tussle them a little. My cheeks are more prominent than before, but I lay that down to a lack of eating.

I glance upwards, catching our last family photo nearly placed in a coal-covered frame. I smile, grabbing it and holding it. I was finally as tall as Ezekiel though neither of us could compare to the height of my father and Roti. Surprisingly, my mother has a pretty smile on her face. We had taken this a week after I came home from the Games.

I need to take this back to Thirteen with me.

I stuff it into my shirt and head over to Katniss's house. If I could find one thing in my home to take back, I'm sure there'll be plenty I can find to bring back to Prim and Mrs. Everdeen.

I march through the front door, remembering exactly where Katniss keeps her game bag. Then I begin throwing items inside. The picture of her father. The plant book we spent hours on.

I open the medicine cabinet, knowing I can find something useful inside. I grab bandages, aspirins, and plenty of other items that I can't give names to. Maybe this could help the citizens back in Thirteen.

Then my hand rests on a bottle.

I pick it up and open it, the sickly sweet smell throwing me back into the arena.

 _"I've brought you a treat. I found a new path of berries a little farther downstream." She says, bending down beside me._

 _I open my mouth, taking in the first bite. I swallow, the taste so familiar to me for some reason. "They're very sweet."_

 _"Yes, they're sugar berries. My mother makes jam from them. Haven't you ever had them before?" She asks, holding out another spoonful to me._

 _"No," I say, trying to recall these berries. "But they taste so familiar. Sugar berries?"_

 _"Well, you can't get them in the market much, they only grow wild." She explains as I take another bite._

 _"They're as sweet as syrup," I say, the pieces starting to click together. I take the last spoonful. "Syrup," I repeat._

I shove the bottle into my pocket. It's empty, but it's another way to remind me of her.

I keep moving from cupboard to cupboard, finding food that I know I don't have room to carry. They're canned so they won't spoil anytime soon. I'm not too worried about them. I open the last cupboard and inside is a bag of peppermints.

I stare at their mesmerizing red and white swirls then gently pick up the bag. Huh. Who would have thought that I could possibly have memories attached to these? I think of my mother right away because of the recent thoughts I've had involving her. Then I think of Katniss. Haymitch and I had seen the Peacekeepers heading to her house near sunset and knew there was trouble. Naturally, we went over to check it out. We waited for hours until she showed up, holding a bag of peppermints and bandages. That was the night she jumped over the fence.

I pop a couple into my mouth then put them in the game bag. The sweet flavor dances on my tongue. District Thirteen could use some flavor.

Once I think I've swept the entire house, a noise startles me. I jump, turning around to see none other than Prim's cat. He glares at me then gives a little hiss. I'm guessing he associates me with Katniss and those two don't get along.

But I'm willing to try.

"Here, kitty," I call out, my voice slightly higher than usual. Buttercup tilts his head at me, looking confused.

"Wanna go back to Prim?" I ask. Immediately, Buttercup let's out a soft meow, looking more friendly. I grin, walking towards him.

"Come here, big guy," I say, picking him up and putting him inside the bag. He hisses at first, not liking his mode of transportation, but quiets down once I mention Prim again.

I decide to check my house one last time, just to make sure I have everything I need. Again, as I enter it smells strongly sterile. I crinkle my nose and follow the scent to my room. I open my door, the scent practically washing over me. I cough and push forward, my eyes being to burn.

And then I spot it.

My heart beats out of my chest as my hands begin to shake as I walk closer and closer to it.

Neatly placed on my dresser is the locket and pearl I gave Katniss in the arena. I pick them up, my body trembling as thoughts begin to run rampant in my brain. There's only one possible way these got here and it makes my stomach drop.

"Where's Haymitch?" I say into my earpiece.

"What did you say, Peeta? I didn't quite get that." Gale says.

"I need Haymitch. Put him on." I say, my voice quivering. He's the only one who could possibly know what to do right now.

"Haymitch didn't ride over here with us, remember?" Gale says. I must have let out a gasp or something to startle Gale because his voice hardens like an adult trying to understand why their child is crying. "Peeta, what's going on? Are you okay?"

No. I'm not okay.

Snow was in my house. He was here after the bombing, after the capture of Katniss. He left me her belongings to prove it.

Suddenly, I need to get out of the house. Quickly, I rush out the door while Gale shouts at me in my ear. I can't answer him right now. If Snow was here, he knows I'm alive and that Thirteen would bring me here soon. He probably has the house bugged with cameras, waiting to attack. He's probably watching me right now.

"Pick me up. Now." I demand, rushing to my drop off point. There are so many different thoughts scrambling through my head that I don't even realize that I made it back through town and down the hill without a problem.

The hovercraft quickly picks me up and we're off into the sky.

In my hands is still her pearl and locket.

Gale rushes to me, his eyebrows furrowed. "What happened?" Gale asks.

But I don't want to tell him. The only person I'm considering telling Haymitch and even that's a stretch.

So I shake my head. "It was nothing. I was just overwhelmed with everything." I say. "Mind if we sit down?" I ask, pointing towards the benches against the wall.

Gale nods his head and we sit beside each other. There's a good amount of distance yet Gale can hear the soft meows.

A smile breaks onto his face. "You grabbed the cat?" He asks, pointing towards Katniss's game bag.

I nod my head. "I think he misses Prim."

"Have fun trying to get this past Coin," Gale says.

"I'll try," I say. Gale stares forward again. He probably knows that I'm lying about not seeing anything, but he doesn't push it. My mouth tastes awful again, so I reach into the bag for some more peppermints. I grab a handful and hold them out to Gale.

He chuckles, shaking his head. "You really are trying to get yourself in trouble." He says, taking the handful and tossing them into his mouth.

xxx

Once we return to Thirteen, Gale and I go our separate ways. I want to go find Haymitch, but there are other things I need to deal with first. Besides that, I don't even know where he is.

I go to the Everdeen's room and knock on the door. Thankfully, it's Reflection Time and they're home. When they see me, soft smiles rest on their faces. "Peeta, how have you been?" Mrs. Everdeen.

"I've been better," I say. Their eyes landed on the bag, obviously knowing where it's from. "I went to Twelve. While I was there, I thought you might want a few items. You know, to make this place feel a little like home?"

I reach inside, pulling out Buttercup. Prim immediately reaches for him, petting him as he meows. She sits down on the floor, crying in joy about his safety. She kisses his head as he purrs against her.

I reach inside again, pulling out the picture of Mr. Everdeen. "I grabbed this, too. I thought you might like it." I say. Mrs. Everdeen gasps, taking it and holding it against her chest.

"Thank you, Peeta." She whispers.

"I grabbed other things, too," I say. "Bandages. Medicine. The plant book. I thought you might want them here."

"This is perfect," Mrs. Everdeen says. "Thank you so much, Peeta." She smiles.

"It's not a big deal. You guys have done so much for me. I thought I should do something back." I say.

"Peeta, you don't owe us anything. Don't think that you do." Mrs. Everdeen says, concern on her face. She steps towards me.

"I really do. You've been so nice to me ever since Katniss and I returned from the Games. I needed to do something to show you that I'm thankful for your kindness." I explain. That's not really why I feel so in debt to them. I feel in debt to them because I'm here instead of Katniss.

"Well, thank you." She nods.

"Thank you, Peeta," Prim says before enveloping me in a hug. I chuckle, hugging her back. Once we let go, I pull out the bag of peppermints.

"I hope you don't mind if I keep these. You can come over anytime to have some. I just think that they'll be gentler if they find them on me." I say.

"Keep them. Prim and I are hardly here anyways. It'd be better if you had them." Mrs. Everdeen says, closing my hands over the bag.

"Thanks." I smile. I leave Katniss's bag and say goodbye. I head back to my room, hoping no one can see what I'm sneaking inside. I put my peppermints and the locket and pearl into the top drawer of my dresser then gently shut it. On top, I place the picture of my family.

I walk over to my bedside table. The onion tops have dried, but I can't seem to throw them out. I walk to the bathroom, cleaning out the sleeping syrup bottle. The sweet smell is still faint. I take the dried tops from the cup and put them into the sleeping syrup bottle. There.

Two memories of Katniss.

Two memories to help keep me sane.

 **Thank you guys so much for reading and commenting on this book! It truly helps to motivate me to continue updating quickly. And in case this is the first book you've read form me, I also have another Hunger Games book called Through The Eyes of Willow! See ya in the next chapter!**


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